smiling when i die

kmkldf.jpg

I think it's normal, but I have a strong tendency to retreat into myself and spend a lot of time diving into the past when the present overwhelms me.

Perhaps it's the feeling that the past holds unearthed secrets, a missing piece in the incomplete jigsaw of the present?

updates

  • Went to a Bad Bad Hats/Yoke Lore concert at the El Rey last week which was entertaining despite somewhat mediocre music

  • Attended Irvine Non-Fiction Book Club for The Water Will Come by Jeff Goodell — probably would've enjoyed it more for a book about a different subject (the conversation became pretty circular because everyone came to the same consensus—we're kinda screwed?), but it was nice to meet new people from Orange County

  • Purging a lot of things because I do that when I'm stressed

  • Kumquat Coffee in Highland Park has delicious vegan Hong Kong milk tea

  • The situation in Hong Kong is extremely saddening but I don't know what to do about it or how to talk about it

  • I bought a snowboard setup and I'm psyched for snowboarding season

  • I sold my bike because biking streets in Orange County is kind of the worst

  • I finished reading Wild Swans by Jung Chang which was incredibly written and provided a depth of understanding for the last 100+ years of Chinese history that I don't feel like I've been able to get from any other text (one of the best books I've read this year)

  • I sewed for the first time in years to modify a pocket on a sweater my brother bought me

reflection questions

  • How are you doing?

  • What are your coping mechanisms?

  • How do you deal with guilt from the past?

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